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A (Failed) Humorous Attempt: How to Write the Imperfect User Story

  1. As a User Story, I should not have an actor for my user story.
    1. I’m not too certain if a user story is still a user story if the story…lacks a user.
  2. As a User Story, I must use systems as my actor.
    1. Hey! Systems can be actors too! The only issue is…how do you ask the system to clarify its requirements…
  3. As a User Story, I must use granular detail to a point where it is excessive and extremely hard to understand so you forget how to map this back to any business requirements and how to prioritize this user story.
    1. I am oddly impressed with your uncanny ability to write details about the…wait, I don’t remember what this story is even supposed to be about.
  4. As a User Story, I must be extremely difficult to prioritize.
    1. I am not too certain whether or not this user story is important, but it sounds like it might be but it might not be. Maybe we should include this story in this sprint…or the next!
  5. As a User Story, I should encapsulate out of scope and unneeded functionality that is semi-important and very non-important for my project.
    1. Hey! Why don’t we have more stories surrounding my new flashlight sock attachment? I think it is absolutely unnecessary for our success and create possible scope creep, but it would be totally cool!
  6. As a User Story, I want to be able to give solutions on how things should work.
    1. It is my goal, as a user story, to be able to give User Interface design, because I am kind of good at that. But not really.
  7. As a User Story, I never want anyone to ever test me out
    1. If you never test me, I’m always exactly what you expected me to be!
  8. As a User Story, I always wanted to be accepted for who I am, without all of this User Criteria.
    1. Oh why won’t they just accept me for who I am? I’m sure you already know how I am supposed to work…right? Oh, UAT, you are the death of me!

Are you a product manager or a business analyst? Do you have user stories? Share them with us

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